Many people are longing for a fulfilling, respectful love relationship at eye-level, but keep getting stuck in ordinary relationship in daily life, in which their longings and desires fall by the wayside or feeling resentment towards the partner is normal. The crux is that only few people really take the time to reflect on the qualities of their relationship and on whether their relationship really nourishes them. This is not surprising, because asking yourself the question whether your relationship is fulfilling to you is partly dangerous. If you reflect and answer this question with radical honesty, it might well happen that you realize that you had imagined your relationship differently and that it does not really fulfill you. You risk finding yourself out that you actually contributed to the fact that your relationship was somehow okay but that your communication is mainly about daily logistics and that being with each other is rather exhausting. Probably you would find out that you agreed to a lot of compromises, gave up leisure activities or other passions and thus a part of yourself. It could also become clear to you that you have been holding on to a relationship that does not suit you, just to be acknowledged by other people or to not be alone. It is oftentimes more comfortable to bear ordinary relationship and probably live in a partnership of convenience and thus stay in the known than responsibly reflect your relationship and change something. It happens easily that we cherish the illusion, that ordinary relationship with discussions, arguing, resentment, conciliation, distance and many ups and downs are normal. Last but not least, because most people observe this kind of relationship in their environment, hear it from friends or see it in the media (e. g. in Soap Operas).
However, take into consideration that mediocre or ordinary relationship is not normal. How would it instead be for you if fulfilling relationship and happiness were your birth right? Yet, we do not learn anything about how we can create and live fulfilling relationship. If this is your wish, it is therefore even more important to take some time and authentically and vulnerably take a close look at your relationship patterns. You get exactly this chance with the following questionnaire.
Please be aware that this questionnaire is not supposed to judge your relationship. It is designed so that you can find out, which kind of relationship you are creating or – if you are currently single - which kind you have experienced in the past. I invite you to radically honest answer the questions without judging yourself or make things nicer than they are. This would not serve you. Instead be benevolent with yourself, not judging. It is just a neutral relationship check. Regard it as such and have fun with it!
1. BEING WITH IN RELATIONSHIP
2. COMMUNICATION IN RELATIONSHIP
3. EMOTIONS IN RELATIONSHIP
4. PURPOSE IN RELATIONSHIP
No count all the points behind the answers you marked. In the following you find a little evaluation. First count your point before reading the evaluation on the next page. Maybe part of you will not like the results. However, you can also take a look at it with humor. The evaluation just represents a certain probability, which kind of relationship you find in your life. I do not say it IS so. But maybe you find yourself in one or the other aspect. If you really want to create and live a respectful, fulfilling relationship, it is necessary to face the facts first, although you might not like them. Whatever your accumulated points are, please be aware that you are already one step further than many other people: You are longing for a fulfilling relationship and are ready to explore how it goes. Otherwise you would not have done this relationship check till the end.
Your total points: ______ Your partners’ total points: ______
EVALUATION OF THE RELATIONSHIP CHECK
40 to 79 points: Relationship Creator – You are in a relationship flow
Super! You are already living fulfilling relationship and have developed a huge consciousness and attentiveness for your being with each other. Your relationship is in flow. You are aware that relationship doesn’t happen occasionally, but that it is rather created from moment to moment. If there is not enough love, you are the source of love. If there is not enough attentiveness, you are the source of attentiveness. You do not live in the concept of HAVING a relationship, instead you ARE in relationship. You appreciate your partner and do not try to change or manipulate them. You are not dependant of your partner, but are able to take a stand for yourself in relationship and say what you need and wish for. If you and your partner have different opinions on a topic, you listen to their perspective in a neutral way in order to understand them, instead of reacting emotional. Still, you know that you both also have a shadow side and that it is important to constantly be attentive and aware of it. You are present and awake in creating your relationship.
80 to 169 points: Relationship Traveler - You are already on the way
You are already on the way and are conscious about the fact that you would like to create a different kind of relationship than you experienced in the past and thought was normal. You have stepped out of the illusion that only the right one has to come and then everything will be all right. It is clear to you that your inner attitude, your beliefs and your patterns determine considerably to which extend you can create fulfilling relationship. Although you are still put your foot in it and whine or complain from time to time, you are increasingly becoming aware of your repeating relationship patterns. You are already training your attentiveness and know how essential it is to be in your power and take a stand for yourself if you want to create fulfilling relationship at eye-level. Take into consideration that you might still miss clarity with regard to your own shadow side, which unconsciously undermines your relationship. You are missing some important distinctions to achieve a breakthrough and get to the next level and it would be useful to also take a closer look a tone or the other relationship pattern. However, you are willing to do everything in order to create fulfilling relationship in your life.
170 points and more: Swamp Researcher – You are stuck in ordinary relationship
You are kind of a swamp researcher and are stuck in your relationship swamp. The kind of relationship you are in is very familiar to you. There are dramas over and over again, sometimes sparks fly, before you conciliate again with your partner. You relationship is comparable to an emotional roller coaster. You feel e. g. hurt over and over again and need your partner, or your partner keeps getting on your nerves. In any case there is a repeating stress factor in your relationship that sucks your energy. Whining, complaining, discussing, arguing, blaming, reacting lippy or defiantly … all this is known to you and shapes your daily relationship life. You would love to change your partner so that you feel better. In between there are also some nice moments before the next low drama comes up. Having resentment towards your partner is normal. There might also be a big distance between you and your partner so that you hardly speak with each other. In any case, you are currently far away from fulfilling relationship. Yet, the fact that you have done this relationship check shows that you are a kind of person that has not given up hope to experience fulfilling relationship. The only question is: “When is the pain in your current situation big enough that you finally get going, work on yourself and learn how to create fulfilling relationship? One thing is for sure: Relationship, love and happiness to not happen occasionally. It is up to you to start changing. You can create the relationship and life that you wish for, if you take responsibility. So, be courageous and start!
If you would like to train your relationship skills to be able to create a stable, fulfilling, respectful relationship at eye-level, the e. g. Relationship Queen Training Program, the Relationship Queen BASICS Online Class (both for women) or – for men – a Coaching-Intensive-Program are great possibilities. These programs (all of them also available as online programs) will bring you within short time to a completely new relationship level. You find details at www.viva-essenza.com .
So don’t wait anymore for the circumstances or your partner to change. Take responsibility and learn to create fulfilling relationship yourself.
I will be happy to support you with love and clarity.
All the best,