Commitment describes the consequence, perseverance, resp. steadfastness with which a person – partly under adverse circumstances – takes a stand for a promise or declaration of intent they have given another person or persons. For many it is a necessary prerequisite for relating in a fair and correct way with each other and it implies reliability.
Commitment is a powerful quality. However, exactly this quality seems to disappear more and more in the modern multi-optional-society. Instead, many people like to have all options and also want to keep all options open until the very end, because you can never know whether a better option, a better offer or a better party might come up. It is therefore not surprising that you can click the button “probably” on certain social media platforms when you are asked whether or not you will take part in an event.
In times of Facebook, WhatsApp and Co. it has become very easy to cancel confirmed appointments, agreed dates or promised tasks. A short message with the words „Oh, sorry, can’t make it!“ is enough. You don’t even have to call a person directly anymore.
Commitment increasingly seems to be uncool. Some people even call it old fashioned and prissy. Instead they vaunt that they are fee, uncommitted and extremely flexible.
Flexibility, freedom and creativity are essential aspects in times of rapid change. Nevertheless, there is a difference whether you can be flexible while being committed at the same time or you render to an unreliable and thus uncommitted arbitrariness and a couldn't-care-less attitude. If you leave the topic of reliability completely aside and thus don’t have commitment in your life any more then you shouldn’t be surprised which you cannot really move forward in your life, but are stuck on the same level.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them radically honest:
- Where are you not committed?
- Where do you not take a final stand for your decision?
- What is your fear if you had to commit?
- What is the fear behind the fear of committing?
Take into consideration that you betray yourself, when you see commitment in a very easy way. In which way do you betray yourself? Well, if you are unreliable and not committed towards others, it is very likely that you are not committed to yourself. This shows for example in the way that your decisions don’t have power and that you do not reach your goals, manifest your wishes and dreams and your relationships and friendships do not reach the depth you might be longing for. With missing commitment your decisions fulminate like a soap bubble, because there is no commitment supporting the decision.
To put it with the words of Dr. Stefan Fraedrich: „When there is no more commitment, life is actually not possible, because then there is nothing solid anymore, then everything is unoriented, then there is no above, below, right, left, then there is no inner compass, then everything is indifferent.“
However, commitment is an essential force you need in your life to go your way, to create fulfilling and respectful relationships and to live your vocation.
Commitment implies reliability
Commitment has something to do with discipline and also with respect; respect towards yourself and the other person. If you are unreliable and uncommitted with regard to agreed appointments and dates, then the other person unconsciously gets the message from you „You are indifferent to me.“ or „I don’t care about your topic.”. This is in the end not very beneficial for your relationship. We are not talking about the case that you unexpectedly lay in bed with influenza. It is rather about the capricious arbitrariness with which acceptances or cancellations are made on short notice and decisions are watered down just like a flag turning in the wind.
What differentiates commitment from arbitrariness is the part of the definition saying „…steadfast – partly under adverse circumstances…” This is exactly what commitment is about. You are committed when you do not allow every tiniest change of your mood to argue yourself out of you decision or let yourself be distracted by other things.
Here is an example from everyday life: a friend asked me whether I could support her during an evening event. The event was to take place 3 weeks later. I agreed. On the actual event day I had delivered trainings for 2 full weeks and was somewhat tired. It would have been very easy to take this reason to cancel the appointment. However, I had committed. The friend counted on me and the relationship was dare to my heart. So I went to the event and still had a nice evening. There is no doubt that she could have handled the event herself, but commitment means that you take the consequences, even though the circumstances might be a bit more uncomfortable.
When you are committed, others can count on you. In this case the people in your environment as well as the universe know that you are there when it counts. This finally creates a very special kind of connection.
The key for connection is commitment
At the same time this is exactly the crux. In these fast moving times many people are longing for groundedness and especially for connection, but are not able to commit and be steadfast. The key for connection is commitment. Without commitment a long-term, stable and fulfilling connection to other people, to your family, friends or colleagues is not possible, not to speak of the connection to the universal force. Commitment starts with reliability. What do others get from you, when you are not reliable? What is the benefit for the universe, if you are not reliable? As soon as you decide for something in a committed way, you automatically send out the message that you really mean it. When you do not decide, commit and are instead unreliable and uncommitted, then the universe reacts accordingly and cannot support you on your way. This means that the commitment comes first without you having to know how to proceed after that.
For example, if you commit to find your vocation without knowing how it goes and then consequently follow the tasks that you love, that inspire you and you keep looking for what could be the next step, then the universe knows that it can count on you. Consequently it will deliver new, unexpected possibilities that will bring you closer to your vocation. As soon as you commit to something wholeheartedly (no matter how seemingly big or small the decision is), the possibility of possibilities opens up.
To be able to make a decision with commitment it is helpful that you have access to your anger, i. e. to your inner warrior or inner warrioress. Even though modern society teaches us that anger – just like the other feelings – are not okay, you might want to consider that the power of anger is neutral energy and information that serves you. It supports you e. g. to make decision, to bring about clarity, to set boundaries, to move forward with discipline and be committed.
Yet, commitment can also be painful in a certain way. The pain shows for example in sadness, because if you decide for one thing, all the other options die and are no longer available. You might even feel fear, because you ask yourself whether you made the right decision. Take into consideration that you cannot make a wrong decision. If you make a committed decision, you make a decision. Period. There is no right or wrong. Each decision simply has consequences. When the consequences are not the way you would like to have them, it is simply a hint to correct your course and navigate into a different direction. This is called rapid learning. In this context and from a new perspective commitment can in fact be fun and serve as valuable compass.
Below you find a table with the new and old perspective regarding commitment.
Commitment – Old Perspective |
Commitment – New Perspective |
uncool |
full of respect |
old fashioned |
creates connection |
prissy |
powerful |
heavy, serious |
opens new ways |
blocks |
freedom |
limits |
steadfast |
inflexible |
brings you forward |
is no fun at all |
is fun |
linear, stiff |
valuable compass |
rigid |
clear direction |
limited possibilities |
the committed decision for one option opens up the possibility of new possibilities |
What is really dear to your heart in your life?
What is missing in your life?
What would you like to change in your life?
Which kind of relationship would you like to live?
What kind of job are you longing for?
What should the contact with others be like for you?
Are you ready to commit and take a stand for all this and be the source of it?
Committed greetings,
Nicola